Have you ever been driven to the brink by sounds beyond your control? Like: someone in your immediate proximity breathing heavily or coughing loudly? It’s possible you have misophonia, a condition characterized by a person’s vehement revulsion of common repetitive sounds. If you have misophonia, it may be nearly impossible to concentrate in public settings. To focus, you will almost surely need to set up a sterile environment under which you can avoid triggering sounds. It’s a serious condition.

Except you probably don’t have misophonia, though. You are probably just irritated by that guy over there at the other end of the room, chomping down on a roast beef sandwich.

That’s understandable. People are gross. It’s in our nature. We ooze snot, we cough phlegm, we burp. We sigh, we swallow loudly. And that’s before you introduce any foreign objects, such as lunch.

When you work in a shared space, it’s inevitable that you will lose autonomy. Isolation may eliminate any potential disharmony, but it does not invite collegiality. Compromise is part of the bargain of company. When I left my job to write a book, I knew I needed a place where I could be comfortable. I also knew I didn’t want to be alone all day. So I found a coworking space with large wooden tables, comfortable chairs, and plenty of power strips. I started going there most days, where I’d peck away at my computer, listen to music on headphones and, sometimes, chew ice. It’s a habit I have. I’d get an iced tea, drain it, and then slowly chomp the ice. It helped me think, like I was transmogrifying the cubes into ideas.

I’d do this as quietly as I could, but it was not silent. It elicited some stares and eventually a curt shushing. Each time I’d apologize and stop, ashamed. Until one time, I didn’t. What had I done wrong? Used my human body to satisfy a human urge in the presence of other humans, all of whom surely had their own urges and whose urges had their own disruptions? Did others’ need for an artificial quietude precede my right to make a little bit of noise?

I once had a boss who ate with his mouth open. He’d sit in his office, door open, and chow down with great gusto. At the time, it bothered me, this gummy lack of decorum. But I see now an enviable degree of unselfconsciousness. He was hungry; it was lunchtime. For him, not much more to it than that.

At the time, I didn’t have the option to work from home, so I was held hostage to his mastication. Now, it’s up to me if I choose to enter a space populated with people working. The choice is theirs, too. If I’m hungry, I eat. If I’m thirsty, I drink. I try to do it discreetly, but I do it nonetheless. And, I allow myself the freedom to eat ice when desire strikes. I hope my coworking colleagues feel a similar freedom to make noises as needed. To chew away when hunger strikes with no humility. It would be great if they could keep their mouths closed, but if not, so be it.

One day, I was winding down from a cold while working and I kept sniffling. A woman got up from the other side of the table and approached me with a tissue. Was this an act of generosity or one of malice? No idea. I couldn’t hear what she said while I was blowing my nose.